I will be on TRTV Thursday 11PM Eastern

Here it is:

Update: I previously incorrectly listed the time as 9PM Eastern … it will be at 11PM.
Update 2: And I just realized I misgendered Mark.  Ughhh …. I try to get this stuff right.
Update 3: Watching TRTV now … now not really sure what pronouns Mark prefers … will have to ask.  I hope these guys don’t get me in trouble! Thursday is going to be interesting.
Update 4: TRTV Misgenders me on their website … it’s all good!   :-)   http://www.transitionradio.net/joel_nowak.html

Ok I guess this is a first around here – three posts in a day – trifecta (or hat trick or whatever). I wanted to let you know that I am going to be appearing on TRTV with hosts Mark Angelo Cummings and Lynna Lopez. (Here is the link.) I have been watching episodes of this program over the past few weeks and I believe that something worthwhile is going on here. Although I know that Mark Cummings and Lynna Lopez are passionate people (who I actually strongly disagree with on a number of things), the moments of this series that I love the most are when the guests are simply allowed to articulately share their journeys (and Mark and Lynna contribute here too). We aren’t hearing these conversations anywhere else (at least I am not) and that alone makes what Mark and Lynna are doing right now extremely important.

Mark asked me to appear on the show and since you aren’t hearing a lot of former MTFs talking about their experiences I accepted. This is the kind of venue I feel comfortable speaking in … this feels “right” to me … like this is where I should be right now.

Talking about this stuff is hard. I know I keep a lot of stuff sort of “close to the vest” in my blog and I will try to talk a little bit about that on the show. Someone recently told me that my blog seems to be about figuring out what I want to say and that pretty much hits the nail on the head. How borring. But at the same time, that question is actually kind of a lot more complex and difficult that I have really been getting into in this blog. Because the more of myself I “expose” through this blog, in some ways the harder it is to keep myself and my retransition healthy. I don’t want to talk too much about my life as a “woman” here because I fear that it will make it harder for people I know in real life to take me seriously as a man. So maybe it is time for baby steps … testing the waters …. saying a few things here and there that may be slightly out of my comfort zone but still trying to stay safe and keep moving forward. I will write more about this I promise. I am not going to be able to keep writing as much as I have been for much longer so I need to get some of this out while I can. And then I am probably going to be too busy with school to be around as much as I have been the last few weeks.

I really do be one of those who help clear the trail for others who come after me … only in the fact that I want to show retransition is possible should you really feel it is your necessary path. But here’s the thing I also HAVE to take care of myself first. I have to admit that I am a little scared (I have said this in my blog a few times recently you may have noticed) because I feel like I am out in no man’s land. It is reassuring when Third Way Trans gives me a shout out because I think he is one of the few people I know of out there who is in a slightly similar place (and there are a few others out there too). But I don’t want to step too far out into the public eye with this activism stuff because there are few men out there who have really had much experience talking about the stuff I am talking about that I can can turn to and ask for advice. I found myself turning away from some other chances to tell my story in some potentially powerful ways over the past few days because I feel they would be just too disruptive of the life I have right now and that I am creating and building upon everyday.

Uhhh … I am tired …. long day.

I am enjoying this time here though on this blog and am happy I am finding time to spend here. I do believe this is officially my RETransition Summer.

PS … here is the latest episode of TRTV with a really great interview with Lynn Cadin



  1. Lee says

    I just finished watching this; it took me a few days to get through it in small segments: My 100 minute talk with Mark and Lynna on TRTV. Thank you so very much! It is a very helpful video. I plan on sharing it with my family. I’ve been trying to explain some of what is happening in the trans community, but my daughter-in-law and granddaughter were all raised with gender non-conforming friends, and they really don’t understand the changes which have happened over the past ten to fifteen years. They do not understand the “McCarthy in a dress” which you and I spoke about on another post. Anyways, you and your friends in this video said if it helped one person it would be worth it, so I wanted to let you know that from this end you will be helping three or four people. Thank you very much.